Ксюша Ларина

If you're hopelessly depressed like I was, then dressing up is just the ultimate escape. When I was young I just wanted to be noticed. Nothing could excite me except attention so I'd dress up as much as I could. Outrage and boredom just go hand in hand. In terms of the 'S' word, that does not enter my mind. And it never has done, in terms of an attempt. Because I am stronger than that. I might be a weak person, but I can take pain. Gets to a point where you really can’t operate any more as a human being – you can’t get out of bed, you can’t…make yourself a cup of coffee without something going badly wrong or your body’s too weak to walk. ...I'd wished he'd left us some note saying, 'Boys, it's for the best. But I still love you. ...we thought whatever he's done, he wants to do. If he's happy, good luck to him. But they'll never be good to you Or bad to you They'll never be anything Anything at all У меня есть ученая степень в политике, глупо ожидать от меня того, что мой мозг будет работать уровнем ниже. Сейчас я не хочу идти и заводить каких-нибудь друзей. Всё чего я сейчас хочу — искать врагов. Я никогда не чувствовал столько презрения и отвращения ко всем и ко всему во всей моей грёбанной жизни. Я не чувствую, что мне ещё когда-нибудь понадобится чья-то симпатия. Господи, это достаточно тяжело — просто нравиться себе самому. It was in the winter of my fiftieth year When it hit me I was really alone And there wasn't a hell a lot of time left Every laugh and touch that I could get Became more important Strangely, I became more bookish And my home and study meant more to me As I considered the circumstances of my death I wanted to find a balance between joy and dignity On my way out Above all, I didn't want to take any more shit Not from anybody She's gone I froze her out Move by move First I didn't hold her hand Then I didn't touch her in bed Then I wasn't tender with her upsets Then I just told her to go And still, she didn't go I had to push. Now this place is peaceful as a grave It's dead quiet without her And her stupid t.v. shows And young girl laughing I was always ashamed she read Cosmopolitan I should have been proud of her What did she want that was so bad? She just wanted to believe that someone would Love her and look after her always She called me Daddy She called me Daddy